Since the Caitlyn Jenner news has brought a lot of people’s mixed up ideas about gender to the water cooler, I thought I’d share my view and attempt to break it down as well:

When we talk about gender there are three main components we need to understand in relation to each other–they are sex (genitalia), gender identity, and gender expression. Often you see people messily conflate these three things into one thing (BOY OR GIRL)–but they are actually three separate moving parts. Which if you are cisgender, you are privileged enough that often times these three things line up perfectly for you, life is uncomplicated, and nobody tries to stop you from using the bathroom.

The first thing I mentioned was sex which people often relates to one’s genitalia (in this matter). A lot of people like to get super scientificial (and they usually are not scientists) on this front and say that sex is actually defined at the chromosome level–but in the western culture, the basis for their sex classification is the shape of one’s genitals. We can see that often time’s people will be born with both sets, and ambiguous genitals, and then a doctor will kind of just shape the genital into one category or the other. We can see that in most western countries, the sexual reassignment surgery is heavily prioritized for a trans person’s ability to legally identify as one sex or the other. So if you have the money, you can pay someone to reshape your genitalia, and then and only then will our society recognize you as the gender you say you are. We also can see this in the fact that sex was being determined long before chromosomes were even discovered. In fact, the matching of chromosomes to a binary system of classification when chromosomes can come in all kinds of mutations is patently absurd. Organizing a society around the shape of one’s genitals is completely ridiculous–and when you think of all of the funky shapes genitals can come in the form of–then, why do we only have two categories? Why isn’t there a category for large clits, or circumcised dicks? Shit is hardly a science at the societal level.

This brings us to the second thing, which is gender identity. Gender identity is how you identify yourself in terms of gender. And while it can be a lifelong journey for some people to find the language that most expresses that identity–it is not something that changes. You are you when you’re born, and you are you when you die. Identity is the narrative sequence of events that make up your story to yourself and others. Identity exists between the biological and the social in a place we still don’t have the language to understand or fully enter.

Gender expression is the third moving part. Gender expression is how you go about expressing your gender identity. Gender expression is governed by all kinds of social constructs and hoops that you have to live through–and sometimes your gender expression will not be your gender identity. For instance, when I was growing up, because of the societal, cultural and religious pressure on my gender identity that I felt for having been born with a particular shape of genitalia–my gender expression was the OPPOSITE of my gender identity. I was so ashamed and confused at who I was because I was never given the avenue to understand or express it that I tried to compensate for it. So a few of my childhood was spent trying to copy masculine behavior and live in such a way that my gender identity would never be called into question–because I felt that I would lose all of my friends, all of my family, and just in general I had no idea where I would go or what I could even do.

So when I came out as transgender, it wasn’t that I was changing my identity–my identity was the same–I wasn’t transitioning to a new identity either–I am the same girl I’ve always been–but what was happening was that I no longer wanted to hide my gender identity behind a gender expression that was opposite. It’s like being gay or lesbian in that you don’t become gay or lesbian, you just come out as gay or lesbian.

So the interplay of these three factors in terms of how they create this oppressive mess is that because we live in a society that absurdly prioritizes genitalia shape for what you are allowed in your expression of self, we create a situation where we through fear and shame, incentivize hiding your gender identity behind an opposite gender expression. We put the only thing that really matters when it comes to understanding someone–who they are–between two boxes and try our best to crush and kill it. Because what’s a better way to understand someone? By talking and listening to them, or to grab in their crotch and then tell them who they are. We are entering an age where you will be able to rewrite your genetic code on the go–and we’re still rocking out to a binary system based upon the shape of skin? Do you understand how barbaric and crazy this will look in the future? The potential you have as a person is not biologically dictated–the story of humans is nothing if not the overcoming of the biological by the identity. Who you are is a projection outward–society doesn’t get to TELL you who you are. And every instance we have of that, that exists, exists for one reason only and that is oppression and the organization of power. That transgender people are so shocking is not our sickness–it is your sickness–the society you have built does not encapsulate the language of our existence–and that fact creates revulsion. But it is you who needs to change your language, not us that need to change our bodies. We die and face discrimination at stupid rates because this society we have created has flaws in its core language. When you lose the ability to see another human life across from you at the table; simply because of some social construct, then the blame is not on us, it’s simply on you.

People act like this shit is super hard, and they make transgender people jump through all kinds of hoops to explain or apologize for their ignorance–when it’s not hard at all. Listen to people when they talk to you. Let people define themselves to you; don’t tell them how they are. Be kind. We’re all just trying to live.

‪#‎Rhexzhenia !